Take care of YOU
Mental well-being is a real thing, and don't let anyone tell you different
Have you cried lately? I mean really “ugly cried,” like when you weren’t sure the tears were going to stop? Yes, this has happened to me. I remember a real breakdown I had where I had to take the day off to reboot.
Mental health isn’t something we typically talk about in the corporate world. It’s considered to be edgy, taboo and way too complex to talk about openly. Why? We all go through sh*t. So I reached out to the amazing Gretchen Pisano, CEO of pLink Leadership, to talk through this.
When we’re talking about mental health, I want you to remember to always put on your oxygen mask first. You can’t take care of others until you first take care of yourself.
As a financial professional, you’re used to dealing with bankruptcies, business closures, reorganizations, all of it. At the end of the day, it can be DRAINING. And it’s normal to feel overwhelmed.
It's okay to give yourself a mental health day
It’s always been okay to take sick days. We need to start considering mental health part of that paid time off so we can take a breath, do whatever form of self-care we need to do and reset ourselves. What you should NOT do on those mental health days is beat yourself up.
Why do we feel so sad when these stories clients are telling us aren’t our own? Gretchen explained that when we hear these stories, we relate them to our own experiences of sadness and grief. It’s like a virtual brain catalog of really terrible experiences that we pull from when something happens.
The problem is that no one really teaches us how to deal with grief. In Gretchen’s work, she coaches professionals on emotional agility, which basically means you can observe the emotion in you versus letting the emotion run you. The place where we want to be is being able to process these emotions as they come instead of letting them build up.
Make healthy choices
It does feel like we can’t take time for ourselves when our clients need us so much. That’s a correct statement, but it’s also a belief. I want you to start learning how to self-regulate with healthy choices like getting enough sleep or exercise, and maybe not that extra glass of wine all the time! You want to avoid feeling tapped out or saving your worst behavior for the people you love the most.
Learn about micro-recoveries
One thing we can do is focus on micro-recoveries. These are 10 to 20-minute blocks of time where you’re doing something that’s not intense work, like stretching, going for a walk or maybe some quiet reflection time on the back porch. This is like the time management Pomodoro technique that people talk about.
I also want you to keep in mind that we haven’t been trained to deal with the emotional ramifications of our jobs the same way that doctors or psychologists have. We have been trained in continual learning. Two books that Gretchen recommended are Emotional Agility by Susan David and Dare to Lead by Brené Brown. Both of those books are about bringing in emotional intelligence as the third leg of the human experience stool (the other two legs are cognitive and physical). These books will teach you how to take on the emotional burdens of your clients and connect with them, but without owning it.
Empathy is like a superpower
You can easily put yourself in others’ shoes and look at things from their perspective. The downside to this, of course, is that if you haven’t learned how to regulate it. What happens then, Gretchen explained, is that you take on their hardships as if they were your own. The distinction here is to check yourself at the end of the day on what’s yours and what’s theirs. You can still connect to your clients, or whomever, but you don’t have to own it as if it was your hardship.
In these situations, watch for red flags that your bucket is too empty and needs to be refilled. Next, think about your quickest recovery strategies. Micro-recoveries are essential to avoid getting burned out, and that starts with teaching yourself that it’s okay to say, “that’s enough for now,” even when there are things you’re leaving undone.
Pace yourself
Your goal is not to get everything done every day. Your goal is to get something far enough along that it’s okay to leave it undone until the next day.
So, with all this touchy feely stuff, our next question is “Can we lead with emotion?” Because CPAs and accountants aren’t known for emotions. Think of it differently though — emotions aren’t a binary choice. They’re data, not directives. I don’t know one CPA who doesn’t love data!
Gretchen and I want you to get to a point where you can identify your own emotions, like:
What am I feeling?
Where am I feeling it?
And the body is a great clue because our bodies physically respond to mental and emotional triggers. Fun fact: Did you know that we have the same neuronal cells in our heart chamber and GI tract as we do in our brain? The point is that we have to learn how to be aware of our emotions. If you’re feeling angry and resentful, you need to know where those feelings are coming from.
Emotional awareness is key
Being aware of your emotions will help you make better decisions. If your bucket is empty or you’re not taking enough micro-breaks, your thinking isn’t all that clear. You start making mistakes because you’re unbalanced. What should you do?
Give yourself grace. Manage your mental health. Develop our emotional agility, take micro-breaks, and make sure you are not taking on emotional weight that’s not yours. Learn how to walk away. Take the day if you need it.